If it can be solved there is no need to worry, and if it can’t be solved,worry is of no use’ – Dalai Lama
As any anxious mind will know, to worry is to feel anxious or upset over real (or imagined) situations that have either arisen or may arise in the future. That’s my definition anyway and it seems to be doing pretty well.
I have always been a worrier (not to be confused with a warrior, I feel people have probably over swapped that particular pun in several memes by now). I can’t remember the very fist time I lay in bed at night fretting about what I thought would happen the next day but it was fairly young, maybe four or five. Whilst our past does not define our present, I feel I was preset to struggle with worry and the ability to waste a good couple of hours a night fretting. Mostly this includes worrying about at all the things I haven’t done and all the things I should do in the future, to prevent the terrible thing (whatever it actually is) happening.
Whilst others kick back and enjoy the now, I am one of the many that often finds themselves paralysed by fear of the future. Not even over big stuff either. I have been known to move houses (and countries!) at the drop of a hat. No, its the little things that get me, the small stuff that no one else will care about. I care about getting told off, for breaking a social rule or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. I worry about fate (I can’t stand ‘Romeo and Juliet’ for this reason) and how it will or won’t twist in my favour. Getting somewhere a moment too late, arriving seconds too early. Even writing this, I feel the familial constriction of my throat, the sick feeling in my stomach that lets me know ‘something is wrong’, what? Something. SOMETHING.
Having practised mindfulness unfaithfully for many years I do concede it has massive benefits, but often I find myself slipping into a worry spiral and its often very difficult to get out once you’re in, like a cult. Learning to be in your body, whilst also ignoring what your body is telling you when panic sets in is hard. Focussing in on your breath is hard and engaging in healthy activities is hard, when all you want to do is lie very still until all your problems solve themselves.
We have to chose, very definitely and at all decision points that we are no longer going to worry. It’s a choice that we have to make again and again but that will one day become a habit and no longer take ten hours to make. In theory we can all chat and read/write about it, but when it comes down to humanity we aren’t all words but actions.
So, I will try not to worry, as should we all. Hope the struggle against the void is going well for the rest of the Anti-Twat League out there! Happy Friday!