My sweetest peas, the thing that occurred to me to talk about has a tale behind it.
Once upon a time a beautiful talented extraordinary human being, incidentally the author and editor of what you’re reading, had their first proper boyfriend. As all events spored from hormones and youth do it wound to an end and I never saw the person again… UNTILL LAST NOW! (Dun, dun DUUUUUN!)
It was one of those double take moments but I found that, after three years, I didn’t really mind very much, until he completely blanked me. Being me I naturally went up to him and re introduced myself ‘Hi, I’m Ella, we’ve met’. (Bitch please, of course he knew we’d met! If my bus driver can remember me then don’t think I’m excusing teenage regretables!)
It seemed a bit unfair to me, as the breakupee rather than the breakuper, that I, as the offended party, was not acting like the offended party. Then again you read all of these things about how being bitter only makes you a worser person and how letting go makes you more free, but, thinking about it, we all have grudges we hold onto. After that meeting I went and purposefully got in touch back with another ex, just to let go of any energy that was in some way still there, actually realising you no longer mind what someone has done to you in the past is oddly freeing.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am probably one of the least forgiving people I know, I enjoy what Mr Darcy has to say on the subject “a friend once lost is lost forever”. As you may have gleamed in ‘How To; Be Friends With An Ex’ I don’t think you should keep people who are toxic to you necessarily near you, whether that’s physically or emotionally (yes, I’ve genuinely run away from situations before) so I in no way suggest that you are doing the wrong thing if you have no intention to forgive a person ever for the wrongs they have done you.
But at some point I guess it has to be acknowledged that you’re only hurting yourself by remembering things that others have done to hurt you, so it may be worth re-visiting that thing to find out if you still care. If you do then great! Love a good grudge, go pump the volume on that Kelly Clarkson and type ‘inspirational quotes’ into Pinterest until your eyes go square! But you may find you no longer care, and I think its very liberating to know that. Because having something against someone keeps them in your head, and forgetting it means getting rid of that and it gives you just a little bit more control over your life! And life is a very scary thing, so you’re allowed to want that I think.
So a serious summary today I guess my small pistachio nuggets but I thought it was worth putting out there! Obviously would love your feedback as ever, and if you have a fantastic grudge then I want to know!