It may be time misspent but am I the only one out there who has thought of their definite plan should a zombie apocalypse occur? Maybe it’s just me, the metal heads, and the sci-fi fanatics out there, but wherever I’ve been I have always come up with a solid plan, should the worst happen and my friends are turned into flesh eating brain-beaters. I have also corresponded it with my families ‘general apocalypse’ plan, which we came up with a few years back (some people think its odd how we always have spare rice, you now know the real reason – we have a permanent three week supply in case of a hold-up situation). Anyway I thought, for your amusement and help I would tell you my plans.
TEAM: Dad (ex-army, excellent survival training, Team Leader) Mum (trained nurse and teacher, Team Medic) Sister (excellent cookery skills and calm in crisis) Nephew (small yet violent child, potential bate)
My first initial plan is the one I came up with at home (I live in a village, which is important as you will see) assuming my family is still alive and well I plan to loot and raid my neihbours homes to gain as many supplies as possible, hopefully finding the keys to one of their four-by-fours. Living near an army base the plan is to try and make it to them, either to join them, seek their help, or steal their weaponry. Should worst come to worse and we are unable to do any of these things we shall not re-emerge from the wilderness for many months, until satisfied the first wave of attack has ceased.
TEAM: Miguel (athletic, competitive, calm in crisis – good zombie killing potential) Becca (you only have to see her play volleyball to know she has the killer streak, very athletic, competitive, killer instinct – excellent team member) Sam (tall, hyperactive, creative – potential for strategy planning) Boo (small and nimble – good for stealth attacks)
As any gap year zombie-slayer probably has done, I also had to come up with plans for a zombie attack in all my different locations. My first one was Costa Rica. As we were in fairly isolated areas for most of our trip (for example Quelenious was only accessible by water and has no electricity or Internet) after the first few zombies were killed (destroy the brain) we would be relatively safe. The thing here therefore is knowing how to protect yourself. This would be harder as our housing was fairly basic, and although our room was essentially a concrete cell, so potentially a perfect hide-out, the windows were just wood with a blind nailed too it, not zombie-proof at all. It would therefore be imperative to get ahold of one of the many mashetees which we used almost everyday for cutting grass, opening coconuts (or if you’re Miguel and Sam) playing baseball with frogs. Other brain destroying implements would include the knives from the kitchen, the toilet seats from our loos and breaking the bunk beds to make clubs. Our problems here would be remaining in our location as food is scarce so in all likelihood we may have to end up actually eating the turtles we so sought to save, probably most of us would prefer to face the zombies.
TEAM: Becca (definite team leader, owns the car) Miguel (survivor, good in fight situations) Me (fighting potential, creative plans for maximum carnage)
America was a harder one to solve, for a vast quantity of the time we were in the middle-nowhere of West Texas, which we could easily stay in for a while with the amount of ramen we had to keep us going. However petrol and water would be in short supply. I would advocate getting into a small town early and stocking up on as much food/fuel as possible and then, quite literally, heading for the hills in a remote location, such as Big Bend. Had we been at the Grand Canyon I would probably either want to drive away or try to head to the bottom as the main aim, in any apocalypse I would say, is to get into as remote an area as possible.
The long term plan in any of these scenarios is to find a radio, and try to make contact with our families. Should the decision be made to try to get home I’d head up through Canada and across to where America joins Russia, head through Europe, keeping close to the sea, and then get across the channel, making it home by following train tracks as oppose to main roads. I’d also probably cut all my hair off and try to look like a boy, though let’s face it that hardly helps you out these days – Rolph Harris I’m looking at you.
Once the family is located I’d want to go somewhere hotter than England, if you can’t relocate in an apocalypse when can you? And so would ideally like to go to New Zealand, an island and so remote, but also very beautiful and where ‘Lord Of The Rings’ was filmed, an ideal location.
So that’s me sorted and feel free to join my march if you should so come across me on my travels, just identify yourself as a reader of ‘The Alternate Planet’. Does anyone else have a Z-day plan? If so, what, and how do you think I could improve mine?
As a random extra to today’s post (ooh I see your ears prick up) I have a new page at the top! ‘Contact And Such’, and would love to hear any feedback and such that you may have! Peace out brothers!