You Mother Puckers!

Hello ladies and gentlemen I hope you all had a lovely Christmas, (I did! I did!) and I hope you all got some lovely presents (I did! I d-oh shut up you fool). It is a gift I wanted to discuss with you today indeed, a beautiful gift that is none the less DEVILLED by what I am about to share with you ‘a hushed silence falls’…

‘Soap and Glory’ is a brand of which I am a massive fan (any advertisers or whatever wanna send me free stuff? Joking, I don’t sell out – oh but I do – shhh) and I got a lovely massive box from Father C filled with all sorts of lovely things, promising to make me a better, or at least cleaner, person. I also like how they brand and advertise their things, and I also LOVE reading the boxes etc of toiletries (which may or may not be a weird thing but for the sake of argument lets not argue over it today). So there I was reading the box of ‘Sexy Mother Pucker’, a lip plumping balm for the dense ones out there, when I see the slander scrawled across the box!

“Fuller lips attract men more.”

Oh no you did not mofo, oh no you did not! Why sir, do you think that the only reason I get dressed in the morning and smear on some lovely balm is souly to attract members of the opposite sex like some weird owl in the mating season, hmmm? Why do advertisers think, or make women think, that this is why we should wear what we should? Can I not just plump the hell out of my pout-flaps because I want to feel like Angelina Jolie for the day?

Soap and your Glory this isn’t about you, and the very little statement on your otherwise beautiful box, this goes much deeper. Every girls magazine I pick up is filled with ‘be confident, be you, but wait get this because guys will like you better with it’ word-lies, (men I’m sure it’s the same) and I just want to leap between every person with low self-esteem and the whispering ghouls that chant these promises into their ears and scream, like Gandalf before the Balrog ‘YOU SHALL NOT PASS!’

I’m still going to buy Soap and Glory products (if and when I can afford more so let’s not hold our breath) But I’m not buying them because I think they will attract members of the opposite sex. Ultimately you just end up with things you don’t want or need and be broke and alone rather than just alone. You don’t need it my sweet peas and if you don’t know why yet have a look at ‘I’m Glad I’m Not Grace Kelly’. Be you, you’re already beautiful.

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Image used: https://www.google.co.uk/search?um=1&hl=en&client=safari&tbo=d&biw=1024&bih=672&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=gandalf+you+shall+not+pass&oq=gandalf+you+&gs_l=img.1.0.0l5j0i24l2j0i10i24j0i24l2.4753.7536.0.8942.12.11.0.1.1.0.210.1334.4j6j1.11.0…0.0…1ac.1.xmhpdN-Fp2M#biv=i|1;d|gSLAivVUQVn0pM:

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2 thoughts on “You Mother Puckers!

  1. I loved the Gandalf thing.
    And why keep you doing that to me, why??
    I have the Mika song again stuck in my head.
    I’m sick of commercials that suggest that if you use their products you’ll get laid, it doesn’t happen like that.

    1. Haha she was princess, an award winning actress but THAT is the thing she will be remembered for! Yes exactly, but also why does every advertiser assume that is our soul aim when we buy products? Shouldn’t it be to feel good for ourselves?

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