Bitches At The Bar

Promises promises and I seem to remember I was going to tell you something about beverages and edibles. Well be careful what you wish for cos I’m about to unleash a whole work of pain on y’all! Can I pull ‘street’ off? Definately!

Working as a waitress in a bar/restaurant is probably the reason most waitresses become actresses,(is that meant to be the other way around? Nope.) because you have to be able to be smiley and nice to people who spit in your face everyday, metaphorically or otherwise. Now you may have guessed this about me already but that’s just not how I glide, roll, frolick or otherwise. Friday and Saturday may be the reason Rebecca Black gets down, and I hope she gets down all the way to hell, but those evenings of battling with bitches at the bar are the reason I had to invent a happy place in therapy. Not that I go to therapy obviously, I’m British.

Lets look at the fashion first. Now I went to Catholic school so being a slut was a lot like Jesus’ drinking habit, it was definitely there but no one mentioned it so it wasn’t a problem. It’s safe to say the ladies in town aren’t quite so subtle. We have stairs, that I obviously have to walk up, and down for that matter, and so many women wear short skirts and no pants that I’ve seen enough yahoo to be quite a successful lesbian by now. There’s also something about a lady wearing heels that makes her think her progress across the room is infinitely more important than the girl carrying four burning plates. I have third degree burns but you have blisters, I’m sorry let me re-evaluate my priorities.

On the one hand I’m all for dress however you want but it’s been 5 months now and I’d love it if there was one lady who didn’t want to dress in a way that I get her breasts straight in my face. I stand at 5’5″ and heels means alotta breasts for one bemused and confused face to handle.

Don’t think you get away from my death-ray hate-words either men, and I’m speaking to you specifically here. So you’re a lad, you’re totally alpha male and you’re going to prove it to everyone like some sort of territorial howler monkey. Fine. But why does that have to involve being rude to your serving wench? I’m a waitress and you’re a customer, this isn’t the Serengeti and I’m not a young lion trying to take your pride. Courtesy is an option, but so is me head butting you in the face. Same goes for tips.

So be nice to your waitress folks, even if you think you are already, take the time. May it be a few more pieces of silver at the end of a meal, like magpies we genuinely appreciate anything shiny, or just getting out of her way as she advances on you with a tray. I promise your moment of kindness, unlike in so many situations, won’t go unappreciated.

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5 thoughts on “Bitches At The Bar

  1. I cannot even imagine what is like to deal with jerks all day long.
    I like to believe that I’m a nice customer, for instance, if the place is crowded it doesn’t pay to me demanding, you gotta understand that someone is serving all those tables and that someone is not you.
    Dealing with drunk guys should be the worse I think.

    1. Well exactly my good man, unlike The Sith a waitress is a title, not an entire person, so an ironic thank you on behalf of my kind! Drunk or sober men can be pretty rude (for want of a more choice phrase) but there is always a flip side to the coin, called bitches at the bar for a reason!

  2. First of all, the cover image for your blog is awesome.
    Second of all, the title of this post is hilarious.
    Third of all, the fact that you’re British makes this infinitely better (because Britain is my favorite country!)
    Fourth of all, even without knowing you’re British this was hilarious.
    And, lastly, being a server myself (even thought I’m not a woman) — I HEARD THAT!! People treat us servers like we’re dirt between their toes. Rude.
    Thank you for posting this, it made me laugh out loud and I enjoyed it immensely.

    1. Well thank you, thank you, thank you and thank you to all the above! Find it really weird you guys call it servers though, it already implies people can treat you badly. Just shows this is on an INTERNATIONAL LEVEL, maybe it’s a conspiracy, maybe people are just rude, who knows…

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